And now?

The bittersweet moment finally came. The moment that defined whether my tears would be over relationships lost and opportunities in Africa dampened or if they would be for my pride and the loss of a future I hoped would give my life some type of meaning.

Alas, the tears are for my pride. I was not chosen for the Minister to Grade School at the Stone. I have no doubt that the person the Lord chose has been selected, but I can't help wondering "What about me?". Where do I go from here? Am I just to stay at a job I happen to be good at just because it's convenient? I love Paul and Rachel and I'm excited to continue working with them...but I do not have an overwhelming desire to help Austin-area students succeed in the SAT. Yes, I am happy to help! And glad that I can, but this is not Who I am.

I feel like a deflated balloon. I am back to the drawing board, and don't have the slightest idea what to draw. I feel relieved and overwhelmed that this might open doors for a longer stay in Africa next year. In typical Mindy style, I want to call Holly this very minute, and say "What do I have to do to spend 3 months in Lusaka in 2008?".

But this is not what my Lord is calling me to do. He is calling me to BE STILL. For the love of Pete! Just be still and trust Him. Did He not know me before time began? Did He not knit me together in my mother's womb? Does He not know the number of days I will walk this earth, and the plans He has for me while I walk them? Plans to prosper and not harm me? Plans to bring Himself glory through whatever trials or triumphs He takes me through?

That's it. I am going, for the first time in my life, to be still. And find out what it truly means to wait upon the Lord. I appreciate your prayers in this experiment in faith.